The Hidden Costs of Masculinity at Work

2 hours ago7 min read1 comments

When Mark Zuckerberg declared earlier this year that corporate culture desperately needs an infusion of 'masculine energy,' and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth simultaneously championed a return to a 'warrior ethos' for the 2. 1 million-strong U.S. military, they were endorsing a specific, narrow vision of masculinity rooted in aggression and physical prowess.Yet, the stark contradictions emerged almost immediately: reports surfaced that ICE recruits were failing basic fitness tests, while Hegseth himself allegedly installed a private makeup room at the Pentagon. This dissonance is painfully familiar, reminiscent of a former manager of mine who once dismissed a potential hire as 'kind of girly' while spending his own lunch breaks obsessively researching spa treatments and shopping for floral polo shirts.This isn't just about individual hypocrisy; it's a symptom of a deeply confused and conflicting set of standards that men are expected to navigate daily. A 2025 GQ State of Masculinity Survey of nearly 2,000 American men revealed this internal schism: when asked to define 'masculine,' they offered 'strong,' 'protective,' and 'tough,' but when describing how they wished to be seen by friends, the top responses were 'respectful,' 'honest,' and 'responsible.' The pressure to conform is immense, with 68% of men admitting they think about how to be masculine every single day, navigating what researcher Dr. Sarah DiMuccio identifies as 'mixed messages'—'Be more open and empathetic.' But also: 'man up' and 'be decisive. ' This performative pressure has tangible, costly consequences.A study on the economic impacts of harmful masculine stereotypes calculated an annual cost to the United States of over $15. 7 billion, a staggering figure that quantifies the fallout from workplaces that function as what a 2018 study in the Journal of Social Issues termed 'masculinity contests.' These environments, where success is measured not by performance goals but by proving one is 'more of a man than the next guy,' become breeding grounds for toxic leadership, bullying, burnout, and sexual harassment. The personal toll is severe; half of men have taken time off for mental health struggles, yet fewer than one in ten would disclose the reason to their employer, a silence born from the fear of appearing weak.As a gay man, I learned this calculus the hard way after being passed over for a promotion. My manager, the same aficionado of floral polos, had encouraged me to apply, calling me a 'natural fit.' The unofficial feedback after I was rejected? 'I think they were just looking for, like, a sports-and-beer guy. ' While I can't prove it was my sexuality, a 2022 study in Sex Roles found a preference for masculine-presenting gay men in leadership, highlighting how masculinity and sexuality are routinely conflated.This dynamic creates a fragile hierarchy, where, as sociologist Dr. Travis Speice notes, 'it's other people who decide whether [a performance] is acceptable or not.' This explains the seeming absurdity of a 'warrior' like Hegseth having a makeup studio—if the in-group has already anointed you as sufficiently masculine, the rules no longer apply. Nowhere is this performative absurdity more loudly celebrated than in Silicon Valley, where figures like Zuckerberg, Bezos, and Musk have become poster boys for a new, hyper-swole archetype, trading hoodies for MMA and bow hunting.Nick Clegg, former Meta VP, aptly critiqued this trend as a 'deeply unattractive combination of machismo and self-pity. ' Dr.Peter Glick, co-author of the 'masculinity contest' study, suggests this is a reactive, defensive posture from men who resent a perceived loss of status and power due to advances in gender equality and DEI. DiMuccio points to the corrosive influence of the 'manosphere,' which preys on masculine anxiety, promising belonging while reinforcing misogyny and narrow ideals.The path forward requires a fundamental rethinking of what we reward. My own father, a retired Marine Colonel, embodied a quieter, more nuanced masculinity—protective and authoritative without being aggressive or attention-seeking.He modeled being a decent guy, not arbitrarily proving he was 'the man. ' As DiMuccio argues, most men intuitively know that overcompensation and silencing others undermine teamwork, but the social rewards for performing masculinity are still too potent. Changing this requires shifting our very definitions of leadership and success, moving beyond a culture that rewards conformity and social signaling over genuine substance and empowering men, finally, to stop playing pretend.

#masculinity

#workplace culture

#gender equality

#toxic leadership

#mental health

#featured

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