OthereducationEdTech Innovations
Beyond Boundaries: Finding Balance in a Web of Connection
You've mastered the art of 'no' in therapy, yet a sense of unease remains. You've shared the complexities of supporting divorced parents—one financially strained while caring for your grandparents, the other facing daily language and technology barriers.As their only child, you provide time, money, and attention because 'we're all we got. ' This deep care extends throughout your life: helping a friend pack during a crisis, driving someone to the ER during Covid's early days, even assisting a migrant mother with groceries during work hours.These acts spring from genuine compassion, not abstract duty or fear of judgment. Yet you feel stretched thin, haunted by the fear of depletion, where self-preservation feels like betrayal even as resentment simmers beneath.I understand. Your discomfort with conventional boundaries speaks volumes.The common framing of boundaries as firm lines between self and others can feel artificial when we acknowledge our profound interconnectedness. If we recognize, as I do, that we're woven into intricate webs of relationship and dependency, then rigid, impermeable boundaries might not just feel challenging—they might feel fundamentally misaligned.The ancient Buddhist metaphor of Indra's net offers a more resonant perspective. Imagine an infinite cosmic net with a brilliant, reflective jewel at every intersection.Each jewel contains the reflection of all others, with those reflections holding yet more reflections, infinitely. In this vision, nothing exists in isolation.Alter one jewel, and the entire network shimmers differently. This is interdependent origination—the understanding that our existence is co-created through our connections.Seeing yourself as one of these jewels transforms everything. Caring for yourself isn't merely about recharging for future giving; it's about honoring your inherent value within this luminous whole.Allowing your well-being to deteriorate isn't just personal sacrifice—it's like dimming one of the jewels, or worse, damaging the net itself. This isn't nobility; it's failing to recognize your own preciousness.Contemporary philosopher Susan Wolf's concept of the 'moral saint' resonates here—someone who dedicates every action to moral goodness through relentless self-sacrifice. Wolf suggests such a life becomes strangely barren, lacking the personal projects, relationships, and joys that give life texture.Why does this ideal feel unsettling? Because life constantly offers us gifts—the taste of an exquisite meal, the intimacy of late-night conversation, the specific green of leaves backlit by afternoon sun. To refuse these through overgiving isn't virtuous; it's refusing to shine.And when you don't shine, the entire network loses some of its radiance. Your fear of becoming 'nothing' through endless giving, and the resentment that follows, signals imbalance.While helping others can be deeply fulfilling, when it overwhelms your capacity to receive and enjoy life, it creates hierarchy—martyr and recipient—rather than horizontal connection between equals. Experiment with finding that equilibrium. You'll know you've found it when fear and resentment fade, replaced by connection and vitality—and yes, by your own unique gleaming.
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#advice column
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#interdependence
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#Buddhism
