Alain de Botton on Friendship

2 hours ago7 min read1 comments

It’s a question that has quietly nagged at me during countless coffee chats and park bench conversations: what does it truly mean to let someone in? I was recently reminded of the Roman philosopher Seneca, who advised to ponder long and hard before admitting someone to your friendship, but once that decision is made, to welcome them with your entire being. He wrote this two thousand years before our modern, frantic world commodified the very concept of a 'friend,' turning it into a currency traded in the lonely marketplace of social media, where follower counts swell but soulful connections wither.It’s a stark contrast that makes you stop and think about the last time you truly, unreservedly opened your heart to a new person. The author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, grieving the loss of a companion, captured the subsequent void perfectly when he lamented that old friends cannot be created out of hand, highlighting the irreplaceable treasure of a bond forged over shared years and weathered storms.This isn't just ancient wisdom; it's a pressing modern dilemma. I've spoken with people from all walks of life about this, from a young software engineer in Berlin who confessed his hundreds of LinkedIn connections felt hollow, to a retired teacher in Tokyo who described her weekly tea with a childhood friend as the anchor of her entire existence.The common thread is the conscious, often difficult, choice to be vulnerable. Friendship, in its truest form, is not a passive occurrence but an active, ongoing construction project.It requires showing up not just for the celebratory birthdays but for the Tuesday evenings filled with quiet anxiety, it demands listening without immediately formulating your own response, and it involves a mutual agreement to prioritize the relationship amidst the noise of daily obligations. In a culture that often prizes breadth of acquaintance over depth of connection, choosing to invest wholly in a select few becomes a radical act of defiance.It’s about building a small, sturdy life raft of genuine understanding in an ocean of digital noise and superficial interaction. The real work begins after that initial decision Seneca spoke of—it's in the daily maintenance, the forgiveness for forgotten plans, the shared silence that isn't awkward, and the cumulative history that transforms a person from a mere acquaintance into a keeper of your stories. That is the hard-earned, precious entry into another's heart and soul, a treasure that no algorithm can replicate and no number of 'likes' can ever replace.

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#philosophy

#Alain de Botton

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